*This is a satirical take on the Jacksonville Jaguars season. If you cannot handle some jokes, please move along.*
The Jacksonville Jaguars have started off this season very slowly. If they were racing a snail to their first win of the season, the snail would be a slight favorite based on Vegas odds. This is the second straight season that the Jaguars have started the season with five consecutive losses. Jacksonville finally got their first win in their ninth game last season. I do not believe that it will take that many games this season, but the Jaguars are still a struggling football team.
I took a look back at their five games this season, and I found something that was quite intriguing. The Jacksonville Jaguars have, week after week, found a different way to lose. Each of their games has been a loss, but their creativity in their losses has been quite impressive Here, I’ll delve back into each game and unearth the artistic ability the Jaguars have shown in their ability to lose games.
The “Blow a 17 Point Halftime Lead to a Division Champion” game
Jacksonville’s first game was a road contest against the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles were expected to soar past the Jaguars, but as Lee Corso likes to say, “Not so fast my friend!”. Defensively, the Jaguars came out strong and forced multiple turnovers. Chad Henne looked like an above average QB (just typing that sentence hurts), and rookie WR Allen Hurns looked like the second-coming of Megatron. When the dust setttled at halftime, Jacksonville led 17-0! I had dreams of Jacksonville continuing this type of play all season, and, dare I say it, playoffs!
The excitement was short-lived, and the Eagles came storming back. It was painful to watch how easily Nick Foles and Co. dominated the Jaguars in the 2nd half. Philadelphia cruised to a 34-17 point win, and I had a strong feeling that Chip Kelly had planned the 2nd half comeback the whole time.
The “Get Blown Out by a Backup QB” game
In Week 2, Jacksonville traveled to Washington for a game that featured two teams that were awful in 2013. Early in the 1st quarter, Washington’s QB Robert Griffin III was injured on a running play. Enter Kirk Cousins. Cousins immediately began to work wonders on the Jacksonville defense, and he did not have top WR DeSean Jackson (who was also injured in the game). Cousins looked like Peyton Manning against Jacksonville. When I look back at the season, this game is puzzling because Cousins has looked, well, like a backup QB against every other team. Jacksonville just wanted to make things interesting for the Washington reporters in the whole, “Cousins vs. RG3″ debate.
The “Embarrassed at Home, But All Is Good” game
Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts came to Jacksonville and destroyed the Jaguars in Week 3. The Colts had a comfortable 30-0 halftime lead, and the Jaguars simply looked lost. I attended this game in person, and the Jaguars were so lost that they had to bring out their GPS device to find a 1st down. However, all was not lost. Coming out from the locker room after halftime was rookie QB Blake Bortles riding atop a white horse and wearing a Superman cape! (Ok, so there was no horse or cape. But his entrance felt magical) Bortles came into the game, and the Jaguars fans began to cheer! I’ve never seen a fan base that was this happy during a game in which their team was getting completely blown out. Bortles wasn’t much better than Henne and the Jaguars fell to 0-3, yet everyone left the stadium with a smile???
The “Get Your Hopes Up, Then Crush the Fans Hopes” game
Philip Rivers and the Chargers crushed the Jaguars hopes in Week 4.
Bortles made his first start in Week 4 against the San Diego Chargers. He played well, and the offense seemed to be getting into a groove. Jaguars fans began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, that light was attached to a train that hit the Jaguars right in the face during the 2nd half. Chargers QB Philip Rivers threw for over 300 yards and Jaguars QB Blake Bortles threw two 2nd half INTs. Jacksonville flew back to the east coast with their fourth loss in as many games and plenty of questions.
The “Moral Victory” game
Finally, the Jaguars got a victory! I’m being sarcastic, but last Sunday’s game against the Pittsburgh Steelers was the closest thing to a win all season. The Jaguars defense held the Steelers to only 10 offensive points, and Jacksonville was only trailing by 1 point in the 4th quarter. Steelers DB Brice McCain, though, was not about to allow the Steelers to become the first team to lose to the Jaguars. McCain intercepted Bortles’ 4th quarter pass and returned it for a touchdown. Jacksonville kept it close, but they found another way to lose yet again.
In all seriousness, the Jaguars have had a tough season so far. I have big news for all Jaguars fans that have read this far, though. I predict that the Jacksonville Jaguars will win their first game this Sunday against the Tennesee Titans . That’s right, JACKSONVILLE WILL WIN THIS SUNDAY.
Final Score: Jagaurs 27 – Titans 24
This article Jacksonville Jaguars: 5 different ways to lose a game appeared first on isportsweb by Zachary Chandler